Ask an Author - Totally True Answers to All Your Questions

Each week Ask an Author will answer readers' burning questions. If you have a question for the author, please send it to admin@juliekazimer.com.

READER QUESTION: What is that burning sensation when I read?

AUTHOR: Hmmm...perhaps you're doing it wrong?

Next question, please.

READER QUESTION: Where do you get your ideas?

AUTHOR: There are three ways in which writers get ideas:

1) The Idea Fairy - a small woodland fairy filled with ideas. Squeeze it until it spews a good idea.

2) The IDEA area of the brain. It's right next to the THAT'S A REALLY BAD IDEA area, oddly the really bad idea area is larger in sixteen year old boys and anyone on Jersey Shore.

3) Plagiarism - Most of my ideas are stolen from other writers.

Secret to Never Getting a Bad Review Again

What's the secret to never getting a bad review? This is a question authors get asked a lot. Hell, I've asked other authors the same question. "I don't know. I don't read reviews," some say with a benevolent smile. Others shrug their shoulders and say, "There is no secret."

Oh yeah? Wanna bet?

I'm about to let you in on the secret to NEVER getting a bad review again.

(Please note, using my methods will result in legal troubles and likely many years of jail time):

1) Find out where the reviewer lives and plant large quantities of meth in their closet, and then make an anonymous call to the cops.

2) Buy a subscription to Guns & Ammo magazine, and flip to the back pages where you will find, Men Seeking Gunmen ads. Hire a hitman. Be proactive though. You never know who will write that bad review, so make sure to off anyone who picks up a copy of your book.

3) Hire a hacker to hack PW website (amazon, Barnes and Noble, Kirkus, etc) and post your own review.

4) Threaten to boil a bunny. Nobody likes boiled bunnies. Nobody.

5) Write the perfect book, one that everyone, no matter what religion, political affiliation, height, weight or age group will love. Easy peasy.

Interview About CURSES! at The Nervous Breakdown

Imagine that Cinderella’s been murdered, distracted by a bluebird and run over by a truck in New Never City. Now imagine her stepsister calling on Rumpelstiltskin (stripped of his villainy as punishment for rage issues) to investigate. This is the premise of J.A. Kazimer’s Curses!: A F**cked Up Fairy Tale.

Cinderella’s stepsister Asia, believing her sister’s death to be a case of foul play, shows up at what she thinks is Sherlock Holmes’s door. Only, he hasn’t lived there for a while, not since RJ, as Rumpel prefers to be called, stuffed him into the chimney and took over the residence. Asia, much better-looking then the original story had led us to believe, convinces RJ to help, but really he’s just doing it in hopes that she’ll sleep with him.

As the two dig deeper into Cindi’s untimely death, everyone becomes suspect: Prince Charming; the butler; Dru, the second and not-so-pretty stepsister; even Asia.

Blending favorite fairy tale characters with today’s cultural references and sensibilities, Curses! flips the childhood staple on its head to create a wholly adult, and highly entertaining, reading experience.

READ FULL INTERVIEW AT:

http://www.thenervousbreakdown.com/ggantz/2012/03/interview-with-j-a-kazimer-author-of-curses-a-fcked-up-fairy-tale/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=interview-with-j-a-kazimer-author-of-curses-a-fcked-up-fairy-tale

Chiseled in Rock: 10 Myths about Being an Author

Chiseled in Rock: 10 Myths about Being an Author: My name is Julie and I’m an author. Hold your applause. What? You weren’t planning on applauding? Oh. Anyway, people are always asking qu...

12 Elements Found in Crime Fiction

Ben LeRoy at Tyrus Books was kind enough to post my guest post on the 12 elements found in EVERY crime novel. Read it HERE.

Do You Want to Know What CURSES! Is Like?

Meet SNL skit of The Real Housewives of Disney!

March Events

Hey all, here are some upcoming events I'll be doing. If you're in the area, come by and say hi!

Booksigning with Cindi Myers & j.a. kazimer

March 3, 2012 - 3pm

Broadway Book Mall

200 S. Broadway

Denver 303-744-BOOK (2665)

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Booksigning - MARCH 10, 2012

March 10 - 11AM

Barnes & Noble Bookstore

2915 Pearl St

Boulder, CO (303) 442-1665

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Booksigning - MARCH 17, 2012

March 17 - 11AM

Barnes & Noble Bookstore

701 E. 120th Avenue
Thornton, CO 80233
720-872-2619

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Booksigning - March 25, 2012

March 25 - 11AM

Barnes & Noble Bookstore

960 S Colorado Blvd
Glendale, CO 80246
303-691-2999

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Left Coast Crime Conference - March 29 - April 1, 2012

FORENSICS - Forensics and Mysteries Go Hand in Hand
DP Lyle, MD, Jan Burke, Steve Scarborough, JA Kazimer, George Fong
SATURDAY March 31, 2012 - 1:30 PM

Patricia Stoltey: Murder by j.a. kazimer

Patricia Stoltey: Murder by j.a. kazimer: j.a. kazimer is one of the most interesting and mysterious writers I've ever met. For a time, I thought perhaps j.a. wasn't a real person. A...