Wednesday, January 22, 2014

Top 5 Reasons to Go Back to School at 40

Last week I wrote a rather whiny post about my return to school at the age of 40 (if I was 40, which I'm totally not. Stupid DMV just thinks so). Today's post is all about the top 5 reasons you should head back to school at 40.

Top 5 Reasons to Go Back to School at 40

5)  You no longer are distracted by that cute football player in your history class (at least I hope not, he's jail-bait, you sicko.) * After leaving school the first time, I ended up meeting the football player at the bar I worked in, and we dated for awhile. Trust me when I say, the cute football player got a C- at best in anatomy.

4)  You can buy beer, legally, anytime you want. Fuck those kids with their fake IDs. 

3)  Research shows that thinking actually stops you from growing mushy gray matter inside that thing attached to your neck, the thing with the hard coating...What is that called again?

2)  With the exception of math, all the classes are easier as an adult. Mostly because you've learned how to bullshit your way through anything, except math. Hard to convince anyone 2 + 2 = 16. Unless you're talking to a writer. We regularly fall for that shit. Just ask a publisher or agent.

1)  Other students think you're the professor, so feel free to ask them for bribes in the form of money or sexual favors. Remember, it's only wrong if you are a faculty member.

*Note to (school who shall remain nameless for fear they will sue me for breach of shut-the-fuck-up-contract I signed in order to gain a severance package), it is WRONG to allow a faculty member to sleep with a student, even if you don't have an actual clause that says that very thing in the year 2012. Just because it's not necessarily illegal, you can fire sick-fucks because it's immoral as hell.

Any reasons to add? If you've gone back to school, what parts are you enjoying the most?

1 comment:

  1. LOL -- Are you really 40, Julie? I would have guessed 27 at the most!

    ReplyDelete