Since Monday's post was all about what writers really want for the holidays, the following is a list of crap we don't want, at all.
Top 5 Least Favorite Gifts for Writers
5) Pens, papers, other writerly paraphernalia from the 1880's.
For some reason, friends and family of writers think the best gift to give a writer is writing utensils, like fountain pens (who the hell uses a fountain pen to write a 100k in words?). We use computers. Unless you want to buy me an iPad or laptop, leave the writerly instruments to us.
4) Coffee mugs with witty comments.
Yes, I need something to drink my whiskey from, but coffee mugs with witty comments only make me feel that much less witty. If I couldn't think of that cliche crap, how do I expect to become a bestseller?
3) Your friendship.
Okay, this might sound mean, but I don't need your friendship. I like it, don't get me wrong, but as a gift, it sort if sucks. If you really liked me, you would've bought me whiskey and/or read my last manuscript. But since you didn't even buy my last book, but rather asked me for a signed copy you could give to your mom, I'm done with you. Oh, you did buy me whiskey? Never mind. Come on over.
2) Other writer's books on how to write.
Just fuck you!
Sort of self explanatory.
What would you not like to see in your stocking this holiday?