Monday, December 16, 2013

Top 5 Gifts for Writers

Tis the season...to get a lot of crap writers don't want, like mom and dad asking when you're going to get a real job. My gift to you this season is a list of the top 5 gifts your friends and family should get you this holiday:

Top 5 Gifts for Writers

5)  A whole free day to write

That's right friends and family, you annoy us with your constant love and affection. When will you just leave us the hell alone so we can talk to make-believe people?

4)  Aqua Notes- No kidding this is a real thing!

Who hasn't been washing their junk, and suddenly become inspired?

3)  Coffee.

If you can't get me an IV hookup, how about a $450 giftcard from Starbucks, which they do in fact sell as a year's worth. WTF? That's like 2 trips in you don't get the large.

2)  The gift of delusion

 Please stop trying to crush lithium in my coffee.

1) Whiskey.

I'm a fan of Fireside, which is an organic CO brand, but I'll take mad-dog when finding myself with writer's block a month and a half from deadline.

Writerly friends, what do you have on that fucked up wish list?

14 comments:

  1. Oh, you coffee junkie . . . silly girl, everyone knows it's mountain dew or bust. I mean, as a diabetic, I can't have it anymore, but that's because I enjoyed it so thoroughly up til now. That being said, you forgot the Ramen. Writers always need more Ramen.

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    1. Ramen I'll agree with, but Mountain Dew is disgusting. It looks like antifreeze and taste worse.

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  3. Ah, whiskey. I'm a fan of Fireball, because I'm a swine.

    That free day to write is brilliant. I may just ask for that for any future gift giving occasion. I don't need a new bottle of generic cologne; I just need 24 hours of uninterrupted silence.

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    1. I'll drink Fireball when desperate. It's sort of like whiskey flavored mouthwash.

      The problem with the free day is, when you ask for it, you look like a total asshole.

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  4. Top of my list would be house cleaning service and regular massages. :) ...and a new computer (yes, I shall be "sharing" this with my peeps...one can always hope). xoxox

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    1. Housecleaning!!!! That is a great one. I'm so asking for that.

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  5. I'm getting the alone time (my husband rocks--two nights at the Stanley ALL BY MYSELF to write!!!), so I'd be all over some back massages. And some butt massages, because I sit on that sucker a lot. By a professional. Husbands massaging booties don't count, because they're not doing it for the right reasons.

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    1. When you going, cuz I will stalk you! That is the best gift yet!

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    2. I'm going in February! Hopefully the weather isn't nasty. But I have a Jeep and the drive to hide for a couple days.

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    3. I'll be happy to help you get there...

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  6. I was in Starbucks the other day looking for a coffee mug as a gift and saw one with a sign that said $79. I thought, "what the heck? That better be gold-lined!" I looked closer and it came with month's worth of refills. I still thought, "what the heck? That coffee better have gold in it- that's a lot of money for java!" But when I thought about it, yup, that's probably about right at their prices. I'll stick to my Yuban at home...

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